Good Memories; Guilt, Regrets & Anger Still There

Family (minus Sara) Christmas 2018 these are our grandchildren 

In my never ending task of clear out Mark’s things. or so it seems, and the thinning out of mine, I came across the little picture album that Shawna gave me when I got home from my first hip replacement.

As I looked through it again, of course, I couldn’t help but to start crying.  There was a reason for this meltdown though, I had just realized that Mark wasn’t feeling too well that day and didn’t really want to go.  I begged him to do it for me stating that if he wanted to leave sooner than I did he could and I would have one the kids bring Bass & I home later.  He made a last, half-hearted protest and then said ok.

God must have been trying to warn me but, as no surprise, I got the message mixed up.  I had texted the members of my little family stating that I wanted for us all to get together with during the holidays to take some family pictures in case anything happened to me during surgery.  Of course, objecting to my reason for it, they agreed to meet at my son’s house.

I could never have guessed in a million years they would be last pictures taken of Mark.  He was in the hospital within the next couple of days after.

I’m so glad that I talked him into it!  We thoroughly enjoyed ourselves, leaving me a good last memory of him.

There are still a bunch of emotions that I am having to deal with day in and day out, but I’m getting there.

I thought I wouldn’t ever stop grieving after losing my BFF Penny (3 or 4 years ago) but even as close as we were, it pales in comparison to losing Mark!

I’m still missing you, Babe, daily!

Teresa Marie

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